I HATE MY CORVETTE

"Jay Lauer" (thefaultinourcars) 04/15/2015 at 14:51 • Filed to: None

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This is a tale of buyers remorse. What started as lighthearted purchase has quickly degraded into a horrible decision that I regret ever bit of. Reading through Oppo is like salt in the wound, constantly finding more and more things that are lacking in my stupid Corvette. I don't want to suffer alone here, so I thought I'd share the things the make me regret ever buying this stupid piece of shit.

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1. The Keys

I bought this car because I wanted to make a statement. I wanted everybody to know I have a Corvette and goddamnit, I'm doing pretty well in life. But no, GM once again just walked over to the god damn part bin and gave me another piece of plastic crap.

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2. Gas Mileage

There's only two types of fuel economy from this car: Horrible and Amazing.

If you want to drive enthusiastically or have any sort of fun in it, the mileage turns to shit (11-15 instant mpg) Thanks a lot V8 motor, some of us actually care about how we spend our dollars. I'd prefer not to give all of it to big oil corporations who will just tuck it away in the Cayman Islands for taxing.

And then, as some sort of backhanded apology, if you drive the car nicely or on highway journeys, it gets crazy mileage (32-35 highway MPG) The point of my sports car isn't to get better mileage than my Scion xB. If I wanted a more fuel efficient car, I would've bought a Chevy Volt, not a Corvette. Driving this car on the highway makes my xB purchase seem pointless. Thanks GM.

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3. Ungodly GM Quality

I bought this car coming from my incredible S2000 thinking, "The Corvette was a more expensive car in it's time. Surely everything is better." How unbelievably wrong could I be. Every single goddamn piece of this interior was lifted from some other piece-of-crap mid-sized family hauler.

That radio? Silverado Those climate controls? Tahoe The turn signal stalk? Saturn The On-Board Computer? Buick LeSabre. The shifter throw? Probably a 3500 Silverado. On a flagship performance car, you think they'd at least give some care about where you spend your time, but no. Nothing actually squeaks or rattles at all, it's very quiet, but just knowing that they skimped upsets me. It definitely doesn't feel like a car worth the four figures I paid for it.

Sure it's a sports car, performance blah blah, but it's not worth having to spend any more time in that horrible shitbox Fisher-Price interior.

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4. Turn Signal Stalks

I know this kind of relates to the previous point but here me out. I used to own a E46 BMW. That car had proper turgid German stalks. You could push those down and they made a proper 'tok' noise. You can pick up an E46 for roughly $4,000 now and was BMW's entry level car. The Corvette on the other hand, is supposed to be the prestigious high-performance car has the same interior components are as $1,500 Cavalier. You push the stalk down in this Corvette and it makes a 'whack' sound that could only be described as "fly swatter hitting a child's slide" It soul-crushing every time I use them.

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5. It's too reliable

As a car guy, you buy a car not just for transportation, but as for something to enjoy, through sickness and health. You buy a car as a companion to run with the good times and to nurse through the bad. Wrenching is the American gearhead's favorite past-time, and the Corvette has robbed me of that.

Since I have purchase the car, not one thing has broken: No blown out tires, no spun bearings, no blown turbos, not even a check engine light.

This may sound like the epitome of a first-world privileged-white-male problem, but it's not, trust me. You love a car not only for it's quality and materials, but for it's quirks and characteristics, and the Corvette has none. It's just a machine that works. Any time I drive it, it takes me wherever and back; There's no sense of adventure or excitement that break downs or possible failure give.

At least an old Audi makes you feel something.

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6. Plastic Body

Top Gear said it best, "This is the stuff newsreaders are made out of." It's fiberglass: Plastic and flimsy. The rear flexes if you push it and it'll crack if I'm in a crash. None of the rest of the car bows if I push it, but knowing the back does is enough for me to doubt my safety. After watching a crash video, I saw the car fared well, but I'm not totally convinced. I still think it's unsafe.

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7. Nobody Notices Me

The whole damn point of buying a flagship sports car is to be noticed. I bought this car thinking people will look at me and be amazed. Nope. Here in the midwest, there's apparently a Corvette on every block and, this is no joke, 18 Corvettes in the square mile I live in.

I show up to any car show and theres 25 more of them. I'm with a girl and she sees it, she doesn't car because her dad has one. Some people who see me in it ask if it's my dad's car. I might as well just buy a Lexus IS250 if I wanted to get zero attention. It's useless.

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8. Soft Touch Plastics

There are none. It's like they didn't care about the person in the drivers seat at all. A real driving enthusiasts actually cares about what his car's interior is made of. Did they not think I could tell?

It seriously spoils the whole driving experience knowings that isn't there.

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9. Cargo Space

This kind of ties back to my 'no faults' argument, but it's worth mentioning. GM etched out every bit of cargo space they could in this car, and it doesn't make any sense with the core of what a Corvette should be. This car is supposed to be about sporty performance, not practicality.

However, I went to grab groceries in it recently. I came out and put some of my bags in the two cubby holes pictured on the lower left and ride sides. Before realizing, all of my groceries fit in those two cubbies. Milk, bread, chicken, burgers, hot dogs, fruit, rice and chips. And there was still the entirety of the trunk worth of room left.

You buy a sports car because you want to make a bold statement that you care about performance over practicality and Chevy is so used to making crappy Tahoes and Malibus that it forgot the identity of what a Corvette is. I want to experience sports car problems, but the Corvette has none to offer.

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Honestly, I don't know what to do with this car. I want something that has some flaw and class to it, and the Corvette has none of it to offer. It's fast, yes, but it's not worth having to deal with the terrible turn signal stalk and the Fisher-Price interior.

The Americans simply can't build a car as well as the Europeans it turns out. It drives great, but the little things ruin the car. I don't want to live with a car where they swap from the parts bin. Car & Driver can say what they want about it's amazing performance and handling, but the full driving experience includes soft-touch plastics, and the Corvette simply doesn't cut the mustard. I'm done with it.

Party-vi > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 14:53

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What, uh, what's goin on here?

djmt1 > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 14:53

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Wait wha?

Wasn't I confused by this earlier?

Nerd-Vol > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 14:54

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Wasn't this already posted?

1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 14:57

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Was 750 views not enough? What is enough?

1,000?

2,000?

5,000?

9,001?

Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 14:57

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It's like Deja Vu all over again...

PS9 > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 14:58

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Closed time-loop caused by kinja reactor meltdown? Deja Vu and proof that we're all in the matrix? Reliving the same post over and over like groundhog day, but crappier?

Party-vi > Stapleface-Now Hyphenated! 04/15/2015 at 14:59

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Simmer down, Yogi.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 14:59

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I'm so fucking confused right now lol.

Jay Lauer > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:00

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Just wanted to repost for the afternoon crowd.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:00

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Lolwut?

Party-vi > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:01

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O_o

You know you can 1) reshare to kinja>oppositelock or 2) Edit the post time to now instead of creating a duplicate post. I mean, this works, but damn.

AUDACIA > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:02

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So...selling a Corvette should be easy in your area.

And if you like wrenching, you gotta consider this beauty.

boobytrapsandtreasure > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:02

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This is one long piece of troll bait. If it is not then you need to pretend it is to escape the shame your bellyaching.

Justin > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:02

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This is dumb, if you don't want it I would love to have it. Either this is a bad attempt at humor or you are a whiny *****

dogisbadob > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:02

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the biggest problem is that you got the FRC and not a targa hatchback :)

dogisbadob > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:03

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pop-up headlights make it redeem itself, right? :p

Captain Hostile > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:03

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I'd like my click back.

Brian Silvestro > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:03

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I thought reposts were generally frowned upon?

Future next gen S2000 owner > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:03

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Couple suggestions, take them or leave them. To alleviate all your problems and concerns, gut the interior and put a blower on it.

Or don't buy a 20 year old base Corvette and bitch about its flaws that everyone has none about since it came out!

Nibby > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:05

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lol

Jonathan Harper > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:06

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something is a bit off with the formatting methinks

Jonathan Harper > Nibby 04/15/2015 at 15:08

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this made me lol more than it should

lololol

Party-vi > Brian Silvestro 04/15/2015 at 15:10

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Not particularly. There's really no reason to repost what you had for lunch, or a picture of a certain car (oh look a terrible Soviet-Era shitbox!), but it's generally accepted to repost something from early in the morning or the previous day to give other opponauts a chance to read it. Some of us are on in the morning/afternoon and some are on in the evening. That being said there's no reason to repost something just because you want more page views or because it falls off the main page of oppositelock.

Keeping all that in mind, this is really a duplicate post so I'm not even sure it it is a repost technically. I'll call it plagiarism, since Jay Lauer copied Jay Lauer's post from earlier.

Party-vi > Jonathan Harper 04/15/2015 at 15:11

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Probably pre-typed up and cut-and-pasted into Kinja. Or it's just Kinja.

Party-vi > 1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! 04/15/2015 at 15:12

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PREPARE YOUR BUTTHOLE WE'RE TAKING THIS BITCH TO SR71 BLACKBIRD VIEW LEVELS!!!

BrtStlnd > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:13

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This might be the worst, most nonsensical post I have ever seen in Oppo.

BrtStlnd > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:15

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This post deserves the Boot.

1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:16

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FUCK THAT!! WE'RE TAKIN' HER TO "TURBO/ALTERNATOR TATTOO" VIEW LEVELS!!!

qbeezy > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:19

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I can't tell if serious or satirical... But great post nonetheless.

Nibby > Jonathan Harper 04/15/2015 at 15:23

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so did the original post

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:24

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Posting a sarcastic article designed to trick people into thinking you are serious:

stupid, but fine.

Copypasta of the same inane article later in the day to see if you can trick more people because they won't see the previous comments from the original article:

Not cool, and frankly makes me think of you little better than if the article had been your real opinion. OPPO doesn't need this.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:26

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He did it this way so he could try and get more page views and comments from people without having them see the previous comments of people who had caught on. I personally think it's pretty dumb.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > BrtStlnd 04/15/2015 at 15:27

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It's sarcasm, but it's still pretty unnecessary.

BrtStlnd > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 04/15/2015 at 15:28

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It's a lot of words to make some sarcastic point... I'm not quite sure what is being lampooned here though.

Brian Silvestro > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 15:30

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Seems to be a lot of stealing other people's work around here!

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > BrtStlnd 04/15/2015 at 15:32

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Nothing really, it's just a giant troll post.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Brian Silvestro 04/15/2015 at 15:35

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I thought that was people sharing their own comments.

BeaterGT > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:40

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Still better than a FiST/FoST

Ethan B > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:40

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Grocery shopping?!?!? you live with your mother!

Brian Silvestro > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 04/15/2015 at 15:43

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It's both. Those are two separate issues.

71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors > 1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! 04/15/2015 at 15:43

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Frank Grimes > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:46

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I should like to trade you for a miata. its a 96 m edition. I think if you included the stock wheels I would trade you.

1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! > 71MGBGT Likes Subarus of Unusual Colors 04/15/2015 at 15:46

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I HAVE NO IDEA!!!

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 15:50

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Sooo.. we're reposting stupid troll posts that makes no sense?

Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 04/15/2015 at 15:57

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I can't fuckin' stand people sharing their own comments. It makes me seeth with rage.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 16:01

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Unless it's something worth sharing that's hilarious, informative, or just important or relevant, people should stop sharing their own comments.

boxrocket > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 16:03

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Whenever I see a non-C1 corvette, this is what I see.

Ex. President Mack41 > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 16:04

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This is the dumbest fucking thing.

Dingers Ghost, Champion Jockey > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 16:05

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Uh. What?

Can I unread this?

Party-vi > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 04/15/2015 at 16:05

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I mean, almost not even.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 16:06

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Yeah, rarely does the comment of the person who shares their own comment really ever contribute to the overall thing.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 16:19

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1. It may be a Corvette, but it's still a Chevy. You want a fancy key? Then don't buy a Chevy

2. It's like that with a lot of cars with some performance. My old Saab 9-3 got great fuel economy when I took it easy. But as soon as I dipped into the power and the turbo spooled up, that 2L 4cyl would use fuel like it was a V6. There is no free lunch. Using little power = using less fuel. Using lots of power = using lots of fuel. It's not complicated. Want to have lots of power and not use a lot of fuel? Buy a Tesla.

3. With a Corvette, you're paying for performance and some exterior style. What you're NOT paying for is luxury or a fancy interior. It has always been that way. Want a fancy sports car with a fancy interior? Get a Pagani. Or get something from Audi.

4. Again... it may be a Corvette, but it's still a Chevy. And for odd bits like that, the Chevy parts bin will get raided. Get an Audi or a Pagani if you want fancy switchgear.

5. The Corvette is a sports car that you can use as a daily driver. It needs to be reliable to pull that off. If you want unreliable or lots of maintenance with your sports cars, I suggest buying a used Ferrari.

6. Unsafe compared to what? It's not the body panels that are protecting you in a crash. It's the metal underneath the plastic. And it's a hell of a lot safer than any motorcycle or any car from the 1970s or earlier.

7. Oh they notice you. They just see that it's an older and very common Corvette... and thus, they don't care. And yeah... you bought a "flagship sports car"... but it's the flagship to a low end brand. If you want to get noticed, buy a flagship model from an Audi, Mercedes, Cadillac, BMW, Bentley, Aston Martin, Rolls Royce, Porsche or even Lexus (the LFA)... then you'll get noticed.

8. See #3.

9. You want cargo space? Get a Ford Focus Wagon like I did.

"You buy a sports car because you want to make a bold statement that you care about performance over practicality"

No. You buy a sports car because you want a car with an entertaining driving experience.

You buy a *prestigious* car if you want to make a statement. You're not gonna get any real prestige with a Chevy.

You sound like you really want a Pagani Zonda, but only have a Corvette budget.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Party-vi 04/15/2015 at 16:21

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Privileged whinging.

bryan40oop > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 17:07

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If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 17:48

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No blown out tires, no spun bearings, no blown turbos, not even a check engine light.

I would hope your NA car hasn't blown a turbo. Something would have to be really wrong for it to do so.

GTRZILLAR32-Now saving for Godzilla and a condo > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 19:42

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All I can gather from this is that you've never read about Corvettes on the internet before purchasing yours.

Research is your friend.

That is why I drive an E46 M3.

MuchWagon > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 20:21

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I am so lost here. Did you lose a bet and now have to drive a car with a horrible sounding turn signal? Was this all somehow really a surprise?

The World of Vee > Jay Lauer 04/15/2015 at 20:50

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I OWNED A C5 CORVETTE ONCE

NO NOT REALLY I JUST DROVE MY BUDDY'S

BUT IT WAS TOO FAST WITH SOME SUPERTURBOCHARGER NONSENSE

WHAT KIND OF MASOCHIST WANTS A FAST CAR? THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

Stinkie > Jay Lauer 09/21/2018 at 14:11

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well I’m not sure what to say about this post. I think this guy is confused. It is a corvette. You buy a corvette for the experience. Not because you want to say Look at me !!! I guess some people are self centered. They try to impress people on what they have. I could give 2 shits if I get noticed. I buy a vehicle because It is a extension of who I am. Not to be envied or admired. You buy a phone or computer because you like the style, features or both. You enjoy it for you and no one else. If you really want to impress people. Be a successful musician. Go on stage and p er form. Then you will get noticed. Otherwise sit back and enjoy your awesome ride.